Hi Petals, why do you think that you are doing something wrong? You have strong emotions around drinking, and of course you will have especially strong ones when your partner drinks. That makes perfect sense to me. I find it hard to imagine how it could possibly be otherwise.
Your AV sees alcohol being consumed right in front of you, and uses this situation to launch attack after attack. He is drinking - I have no choice but to join him. He is drinking, maybe just one or two wouldn't hurt. He is drinking which makes me so angry and I must not feel angry- to hell with this, at least if I'm drunk again I won't be angry. He is drinking - I will never be able to stay sober for good, I might as well give in now. He is drinking and I remember those times in the past when I drank too.
I don't know if I came close on any of these, Petals, but if I didn't, you can figure out how your AV is pinging you yourself, I bet. Maybe take pen and paper and just start writing, you might see the answer come out that way.
However you feel, you know that drinking is not what you have decided, it is not what you want, it is not what must ever do. You have plans and hopes, and you can only succeed with those if you understand AV is every thought of ever drinking again, and it is not you.
I think you are definitely on the right trail, Petals. Sit with these thoughts, and they will pass, and you will be sober.