To Talk or Not to Talk?
I need some advice and perspective on this. This story feels a little crazy, so please bear with me:
An old friend of mine recently contacted me after some time without contact. After I began the split with my XAH 2-3 years ago, I stopped hanging out with Friend because it became increasingly clear that she had some substance abuse issues herself, not to mention being short on empathy for me for divorcing an alcoholic.
HOWEVER, we were once really close, and she meant a lot to me at one time. She'd been messaging me a little and on a whim I went to visit her about a month ago when I knew neither of us had the kids. I wanted a short, controlled visit. I was hoping that my initial perceptions were off, and wanted to test my intuition, I guess. It turns out I was right, and she's an active addict. All the signs and red flags were there. I left feeling okay with my decision to go, and fine about the visit, but still disappointed in Addict Friend and where she's ended up.
The short version: AF was a nurse and was fired for using opiates on the job, she still drinks heavily, still takes prescription meds heavily and talks about trying to detox from them at home, tried to get her license renewed but thinks the treatment process is stupid and quit the re-licensing process, started bartending, drinks and drives, recently drove during a blackout and wrecked her car and doesn't know how, has had VERY DRAMATIC AND SCARY abusive incidents with her husband and speaks openly about being verbally abusive to her teen daughter without any recognition of abuse at all. When her family found out about her getting fired, they tried to stage an intervention and get her into rehab, but AF cut them out of her life entirely. It's been about a year and a half since they have seen her or her daughter, despite their attempts.
In short, really yucky. Classic addict family stuff.
Today I opened up the "Other" folder in my Facebook account -- that I didn't know existed until today -- and there was an old SOS message from her sister. I didn't realize I was responding to an ancient message (Summer of 2013), so I responded, saying I was sorry I didn't see her message until today, that I was worried about AF too, that was all. Sister texted me back almost immediately, wants to call me tonight, I guess to exchange information.
Knowing what I know, I feel like maybe I should tell them about it. It's dangerous and insane behavior and there is a child in the house.
I feel really mixed up about it. I hate the idea of meddling in someone else's business, but after my experience with XAH, I feel like not saying something is irresponsible. I feel like I can tell sister the facts without editorializing. I don't think it's my place, but... I don't know. This was my friend. Her daughter was like my daughter. Not saying something feels like a worse betrayal to their best interests than being quiet.