Hmm....I have another post/thread out there something like this topic that I just posted this morning.
I shut AH out when he moved out. I didn't listen nor did I see the changes he said he'd made. I was angry and I had that invisible brick wall up so high that there was no way he could get through.
I'd moved on with my life this year. Made a lot of changes and had a lot of growth. However, in the back of my mind and in the bottom of my heart, I still longed for that dream I had with AH. To someday be together when we attended our children's graduations & weddings. To be there together to hold our grandchildren. To still have one another when we were old.
You see, AH and I have known each other 30 years and been almost 17 of them. We have a history and I thought we had a future.
I met someone that treats me good. That gives me everything I wanted from AH. I got a promotion at work, I was no longer in chaos and had surrounded myself with people that were good, kind, and decent. I was moving on. But still...that dream just kept nagging at me. I guess I really just couldn't let it go.
Today AH and I are going to get together and talk. Really talk. I've begun to let that brick wall down a bit as I know that I have too for myself and my recovery. I feel like today is D-Day and that I'll know the answer today if we are going to give it another shot or if it's over for good. I'm scared, I'm nervous, and yet I know it needs to be done.
And as for my dreams...well, the main thing I look forward too is a life of peace. That is my dream. But still there are things in life that I want AH to be a part of.
So maybe I need to remind myself that my dreams are what I make them!