Hi liztola, okay, first I have to give a couple of disclaimers:
(1) This is partially a legal issue and I am not a lawyer
(2) This is a public forum, it's not like you're my real-life client so anything I say is necessarily general.
Let's say all your assets are community property. (It is possible they are not if you had them before you married.) Then, generally, they will be split 50/50. Half of your husband's 401K would be transferred, usually by whoever holds it (Smith Barney, for example) to a different 401K account in your name. Neither of you would be taxed on this transfer.
The house: There are many ways to handle a house. You could both sell it outright and split the proceeds. One of you could transfer it to the other. Sometimes, particularly when there are minor children, both spouses retain ownership but one is allowed to live in it until the youngest child is 18. Then when it's sold, the person who lived in it gets the principal residence exclusion and the other person does not. He or she will have a capital gain or loss.
If your intent is to take the 401K money out to spend - this will be an expensive way to get it, as you know, because of the taxes and penalties. And you should still check into the kind of restriction mentioned by Aboutdone.
Guava gave a very good summary of the results of selling the house and it does not sound like are interested in continuing to live in it. Yes, you will be responsible for the taxes on the gain but there may be little or no taxable gain. That would be the first thing to figure out. Closing costs will reduce potential gain.
So if you're looking for cash in hand and believe the house will sell quickly at the price you want, then odds are selling the house will yield more after-tax dollars than splitting your retirement funds.
But definitely pencil it out and ask your CPA.
Hope this helps and good luck!