My negative talks with HP
I have been told by numerous people. My therapist, people on this forum, and some family that I say a lot of negative things about myself.
One of the things that God told me when I was praying for strength was he put a visual of a list in my mind during meditation. NOTHING else was on the list except for love yourself.
I have been told all my life I was worthless. Mom loved to call me a parasite...even going as far to ask me (at 10 years old) if I knew what a parasite is and detailing the definition. She also like wh0re and a host of other words. She would lie to our family and tell stories of my promiscuity (again starting around the age of 10)....I don't know why she did that. My first A was very much verbally abusive. And so is my AH.
I find myself being verbally abusive with myself. Even when I talk to God I am constantly putting myself down without even realizing it. "Like God, I'm know I'm not worth your time. I know you are sick of me. I know I always screw up."
I'M SICK OF HATING ME! But It's all I know. I don't know how to stop. How do you start loving something that everyone else has hated all your life?