So it all came out tonight. We had a nice evening, Ds is back in his own room and out of our bed and he went to bed early. We stayed up and watched a movie. Had a wonderful day and evening together.
Then after the movie, I asked him if he was coming upstairs with me. Nope. He doesn't trust me. I hurt him too much by having him "locked away" for a week. His hand was forced and he had no choice. He's stopped drinking now but says that doesn't solve any of the problems between us and he doesn't trust me.
We has such a great day. And i know evenings are hard for him, but it's been a week dry and I've been trying to be loving and understanding. Looking past my own feelings of hurt to make sure he feels supported and loved. And now I realize it doesn't matter.
Maybe his new counsellor will call on Monday. I hope so, since it's been Christmas he wasn't even able to be matched with one.
I thought he went willingly to detox and understood why he was there. I thought he understood he had a huge problem and by stopping was not only saving his marriage and his family and job, but his life.
This makes me incredibly sad. It still has a great hold on him. And he doesn't even see that most spouses wouldn't have stayed even half as long as I have. In admitting the addiction you gain strength and control over it,not the other way around.
I have had my heart broken by this man so many times. I thought now he finally understood. In his head, he's still completely selfish and self centred. It's all about him, alcohol has made sure of that and I don't know if he will ever be the person he was before.