Todd-
It's very hard to comprehend that a's are very selfish people, drinking and not drinking .. One A told me that A's usually find really nice people in their lives that tolerate terrible behavior.
Our problem is we accept the inappropriate behavior. So the pattern continues. So until we respect ourselves and don't accept that crxp, nothing will change. Give yourself some time. Work a program, you will become strong enough to say enough is enough. Don't force a solution.
We all get to that point. I just divorced my a after 26 years married and 34 years together. Hardest thing I have ever done, and wouldn't wish it on anyone. But he loved all his addictions more then me, I was a door mat to him and it got very old. I am sad some days, but I don't miss all the drama..
I don't have to deal with his selfish, me, me, me behavior anymore. I love him still, but I can love him from a distance. Be kind to yourself.