Hi, Todzilla, and welcome to SR. I doubt very much that you're unique--all of us here seem to have things in common, and it sounds like you fit right in...
First of all, let me mention that "recovery" and "not drinking" are 2 different things. It sounds as if your wife may be successful in the "not drinking" area but sadly lacking in the "recovery" area. And then again, this may just be who she is. I've heard it said here many times that if you get a horse thief to stop drinking, you've got a sober horse thief. Sometimes the alcohol isn't the source of all the problems; there is mental illness or other personality problems that were masked by the drinking and now are revealed in all their glory. Unless those issues are also addressed, the A is now sober but still manifesting all kinds of unpleasant and unhealthy behavior.
Have you sought help for yourself during those 8 years, like Alanon or Celebrate Recovery or counseling? There is no reason you're obligated to continue to accept the abusive behaviors you describe (and they are abuse) simply b/c she's not drinking. Your needs and happiness are equally as important as hers. And since it sounds like neither of you actually is happy, what keeps you both in this relationship? You don't have to answer this here, but it might be good to think about it.
I'm glad you've found us here at SR and I hope you continue to post, telling us more about your situation. There is a ton of support, experience and wisdom here. Read, read and read some more, Todzilla. You are NOT alone, you are NOT unique in your situation, and there is definitely hope for a happy future for you.
Wishing you strength and clarity.