Im annoyed with myself for being sad...
I got engaged on Xmas to xAH...
And it has been sad the last few years and is sad this year too leading up to xmas bc my memories of xmas with him are wrapped up in remembering that...
He proposed at my moms, with all my family around. That is still where I go for xmas so I feel like I am hit with all these memories year after year.
My kids love being there for xmas so I am going, despite wishing I could skip it.
And I know that in time I wont be sad, but once again it has hit me hard, that all the hopes, dreams etc... I had that xmas we got engaged, not only never happened but the antithesis of them all came true.
There is nothing to be done to fix this or change it-- it is what it is-- I am sad, I wish life had turned out differently and having xmas day be the day I got engaged kind of sucks bc it is tainted.
And on top of being sad about this, my best friend, who vascillates between whining about the men in her life and painting them as amazing and perfect, wants to talk endlessly about how amazing the formerly jerk boyfriend is and I just DONT want to hear it.
I am down and not in the mood to hear about her giddy rollercoaster relationship that is on an upswing right now.
Just having a pitty party for myself I guess...