Originally Posted by
Squig 
Pach, congrats on your sober time. I just got through yet another day ones than I care to remember. I had about seven months of sobriety through AA when I went back out. When I decided yesterday would be my day one I did two things- I finally joined this sight after lurking for a few months. I also contacted a childhood friend of mine who is approaching three years of sobriety after many false starts in AA. I knew with the time I had been away from AA that the group dynamics of some meetings change. Also, like grtgranpa mentioned, the number of meetings in the Maryland area can be overwhelming. I knew my old friend was doing great things in his recovery and that reaching out to him, for me, is instrumental because suprise- I'm not one to ask for help. Keep your head up and find someone who can help guide you to meetings suited for you.
Hi Squig,
You know what, 1st, a huge support hug for you for climbing up again. Let it be your last time. I am just about to get in touch with an ooooooolllld friend from junior high school, who I met up with again these past few years. We met in 1977, 7th grade. We are now 48 & 49. He is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Now we have a fair playing field in this area to talk about, now that I need to feel my way through as he did. He is one smart dude, and I know he'll be saddened by my telling him I am an alcoholic (I am the absolute LAST, MOST PERFECT PERSON ON THE PLANET he'd expect to hear this from...lest, that it's me, because he has me on this pedestal. I am not perfect, obviously.). I know he'll be heart broken for what I will be enduring for the rest of my life, and I know he'll be stumbling and crying for me. But I also know that he will support me, and come running, in fact, from afar.
I am enjoying the meetings at the moment, and I am so busy that I can barely make them, let alone keep my eyes open. I just get so tired so early on in the evening and I just wanna climb into bed and go to work the next day. It has been 2.5 weeks for me now, and I have no desire for alcohol but I am on meds, too, so it isn't fair to say I don't have an urge for it. I neglected (deliberately) the 3 pills a day, for 4 pills, and got a neatly tied dose of reality when an urge was an actual pulling-tug-of-war from my body to go and get some drinks. I told myself, "No... you are not. Game over. You cannot, will not, ever drink alcohol again, nor will you cook with it. It will kill you and you know from reading what other nightmares of failure you will endure and your health and life, etc etc etc... just FORGET THAT URGE AND BREATHE THROUGH IT. " I did. And it left me. Last night, without thinking, I was at the market, bought some chicken, fettuccine, mushrooms, butter, créme frâiche,... and grabbed a bottle of marsala wine spiced with a pinch of salt within for cooking. I was going to cook Chicken Marsala with Mushrooms. Wow. It really got to me. But, I put the chicken AND the marsala wine back on the shelves. I cook. All the time. I'm quite good and time can fly all day in the kitchen without my awareness and I look out the window to see it's dark, like today LOL. I really want to make it, but there will be that bottle, and I hadn't had my meds in 36 +/- hours when this occured. But, I put it back. I hadn't grabbed it out of an urge, but out of habit for cooking and I was out of marsala... and I threw out all of my cooking wines, including the sherry as well. I just don't want it. Yes, I'm on my meds, too, and that is why. But I resisted easily on the road with the pull and in the market, too, so that is a plus.
Squid,
Thank you for keeping me going! Making crab dip now for tomorrow . . .
Have a great Sunday!
Pach
