What to do?
I am a male in my early 40's and have enjoyed drinking since I was in my teens. I do not drink every day and for many years was a weekend binge drinker without drinking at all during the week. Over the past couple of years either due to more work stress, also school stress as I am doing a masters I began to drink wine or beer 1-2 per night with my meals. I love to have social drinks and do so responsibly 95% of the time. I have had occurrences in past where I drink to much and have episodes of blackouts or come home and get into an argument with my wife. I am typically a happy drunk but for some reason on certain nights or with certain drinks I can release venom to those I am closest with towards the end of the night. This seems to happen when I have also not had much to eat.
I am so very afraid of quitting altogether. Much of my social life, close friends, etc. all have casual social drinking associated with them. My wife told me recently that if another episode happens that it will jeopardize our marriage. I certainly don't want that or to lose everything I have worked so hard for. I also have experienced depression/anxiety in my past and am currently taking 50mg of pritiq each day. I have drank on this medication before without issue but for whatever reason he last couple of times I have gone out drinking they hit me like a brick and I had trouble controlling my intake and remembering all that happened. I am feeling quite guilty today and thought I would post to get some things of my chest. I so truly wish there was another way to control this other than quoiting cold turkey but I am sure most of you will tell me there is not which makes me even sadder.
Any words of encouragement, support, explanation would be very much appreciated. I am also willing to answer questions for those willing to help that need more detail.