Just want to say that I relate to your fear. I am only 12 days in after a relapse (after 5 & 1/2 years of sobriety). Sometimes I feel like I am gonna get "struck drunk". Like a lightning bolt is gonna come out of the sky and hit me and I am gonna be drunk or someone has a voo-dew doll...
Anyway...why did I drink again after 5 & 1/2 years??? (and I really believed I would NEVER drink again).
I forgot what I was. I forgot that I was an alcoholic. I stopped logging on to SR.
I stopped going to AA. I stopped doing ANYTHING recovery-wise. I thought I was cured.
I will never make that mistake again! So..if you never forget that you are an alcoholic and keep doing what you are doing now to stay sober...you will be fine. We have really good "forgetters". At least I do.
You'll be ok. Just keep telling on your disease. The more time you get...the less fear you will have as long as you stay in the middle of the pack.
When animals are migrating...the animals in the MIDDLE of the pack (i.e. AA/SR/recovery) are the safest. It's the animals on the outside edges of the pack that get picked off by prey (i.e. our disease/relapse/AV).
Stay in the MIDDLE OF THE PACK! 