I did it. I blocked his number.
this is what finally inspired me today...
I was walking to the train and thinking about blocking him.
Then on the train, on my way home, I watched this guy give another guy drugs...right in the open, right in front of me. Pills, i think. After a few minutes, the guy who had the drugs turns to me and asks me what kind of work i do. It seems like a random question because it is...one look at this guys eyes confirmed he was high in the sky. I was like...oh great, here we go...i hate the subway
I didn't say anything at first but he kept insisting so, i lied and said i was a waitress. He kept asking questions so i told him i didn't want to talk to him. He was of course all upset...."I'm just asking you about a place to eat" etc. So at the next stop i moved away from him. He left me alone, but continued to bother other people on the train.
I sat there and watched him impose his will on everybody regardless of whether or not they were uncomfortable, or whether or not they wanted to interact with him. It was all about him and his high.
This guy is just like my ex.
I was so annoyed that this guy was talking to me...harassing me. He didn't care at all about the fact that i didn't want to talk to him, that he was making me uncomfortable, and that he was freaking me out (I put my hand on my pepper spray because I am afraid of people who are high like he was). He was intimidating. He was there with his negative, crazy-making, creepy, selfish, scary vibe...
that's what he was contributing.
This is the kind of contribution a high addict makes to someones life.
And that's
exactly what I needed to see today. I was thinking about blocking him and then just a few minutes later this happened. wow.
So, i did it. I finally blocked his number and released him completely. Come what may in the future, i will try my best to give all my energy into staying strong and moving on from this horrible experience. I have learned a lot, so i didn't walk away with nothing. I feel some painful emotions, loss for a relationship i once believed in...but i also feel a sense of relief and freedom. The pain hits hard and deep...then it simply goes away when i remember that i am free now from an experience that was overall horrific and tragic. I am free from someone who abused me, who took my love and my presence for granted, and someone who hurt me profoundly.....over and over again.
I am choosing to be free. I am choosing to live rather than survive. I am choosing peace over terror. I am choosing to let him go. Because i can...and i want to. I believe in myself and want my life back. I'm so excited for the future
I can choose any path...what an amazing feeling.