ridiculous...you have a lot of courage...aside from the baby blues (my daughter had this...and she finally went to see a doctor...and it helped)--you describe me right now...a different phase of life...my youngest more or less empty nested 2 years ago (was living with a sister)--although he has moved back...other non-substance abuse related issues...having a major depressive episode due to many crises for many years (according to doctor) and getting help...but still...what you describe has been going on for a long time...which is why I found getting help useful.