I dunno, I have a slightly different take on this, maybe because I was the non-custodial parent. There were toys and games that I wanted kept at my house--not for reasons of control, but because that way I was sure they had some things that were not exactly what they had at home that were fun to play with at my place. And schlepping tons of toys or games back and forth is a pain.
I'm sure if there were something really special they wanted to have at their dad's house I would have let them take it, but it never seemed to be an issue--they liked playing with stuff at my house, and they had other cool stuff at their dad's.
I know when it IS used as a control thing it isn't cool, but I don't know that it's always a bad thing, either.
I sort of think when you aren't cooperating with the other parent (and I don't mean to suggest it's possible, in your situation, to cooperate), just about everything feels offensive.
Heh, I've often said the ONLY argument the kids' dad and I ever had about splitting up was over the Nintendo. I wanted him to keep it and he wanted ME to take it. Those little Mario Brothers tunes drove us INSANE.