Ptcapote, Hi there, and welcome to this side of the forum.
No questions here are dumb or obvious. What you are feeling is very real. He's a push/pull guy. He pushes you away, isn't emotionally available, he feels you leaving, so he needs to suck you back in. He probably plays on your insecurities. He knows them, so he goes after them. It always leaves you questioning what is wrong with you? This isn't a relationship you want. I'm not going to say that you are codie, I'm going to say that he is effing with your mind. I was married and lived with someone like this for 25 years.
Congrats on your sobriety. I wouldn't talk so harshly or give suggestions, or be so open about things if you weren't in a program, but I think you already know this is all wrong for you and that you just need some validation so that you can make things right in your own head.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy