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Old 12-01-2014, 06:20 PM
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Peter_819
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 71
Simply Terrified

I lurked on this forum for four hours before finally joining then another four hours passed before I decided to post. My entire life since the age of 16 has been fairly booze soaked and everything in me is revulsed by the idea of shedding light on my problems. Ive spent the better part of the last 14 years desperately trying to downplay how much and how often I drank. To finally put it down into words is terrifying. I suppose I'm more of a binge drinker than some and haven't ever really been able to drink two days in a row even if only to get over a hangover, my body would just violently reject any alcohol. This has meant that a very large percentage of my life I have spent being terribly ill. I would say this is probably my number one reason I want to get sober, along with the fact that it contributes to terrible anxiety when not drunk. I probably blackout once a week and have frequent brownouts after even moderate drinking. I have never been honest with a health proffesional about my drinking nor with family or friends or even myself for that matter. I feel that this site will allow me to at least air out some of my thoughts and gain some insights into other peoples struggles and the techniques they use to stay sober. It feels like my drinking is a bit like some type of mould that prefers the dankness and darkness of silence and just by shining a light on it I can help to diminish it. This is my first serious attempt at getting sober. I've kinda made promises in my head before but never changed anything and as a result nothing changed. I think maybe I would like to check out an AA meeting, I'm extremely intimidated by the idea and was wondering for those of you who have been to one what should I expect? Is it possible to just go in listen and not participate. What was your first meeting like? I'm currently two days sober and can tell you my anxiety semi detoxed self feels like it would be the most painful thing in the world to do, but another part of me thinks that if it works for alot of people it cant hurt. My physical state as as far as detox right now is fairly mangeable. I managed to eat and keep down liquids today. I havent really left the couch. Minor shaking, very lethargic and a sense of impending doom. I know I can get through today but any tips for these next few days would be really appreciated. Thanks
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