Mrrryah1

I've been MIA from SR and AA and all things recovery for the last little while.

I've been struggling to find the desire to stop drinking. Struggling to accept I can't just find a way to be normal if I really really exert my efforts at controlling this thing. Because god knows I've been having nothing but failure after failure at trying to be sober. I'm sick of feeling like a failure.

But I'm glad to say that I am absolutely exhausted. I don't know what made me decide to start fighting the battle again, when deep down I knew I would lose, but I'm officially weak, exhausted, and sick of fighting. I think I'm ready to give this sober thing my full efforts again.

Day three today.

My fiancé told me last night that he thinks I need to find some balance. Either I'm going to a meeting (while working full time) every single day, or I'm doing nothing at all. He said he thinks I need to actually build a new life sober. Start finding ways to have fun sober, new hobbies, ways to enjoy my life. Because I start hitting 7-10 meetings a week and I have no time for anything else and he says it's like I become a b&$tchy robot on autopilot. And eventually I get so overwhelmed and sick of it that I decide I can't enjoy life sober and say skrew it all.

What do you guys think about this? Is it possible that I'm lacking balance and that's why I keep relapsing despite doing meetings/steps/sponsor/etc??

Happy to be back SR hope everyone is doing well.