i was 23 when i first went to aa, my problem back then was i would go out and get hammered drunk and then misbehave and end up in big trouble through my drinking
over and over this happend to me and i sought help for all sorts of avenues
i thought that i might need to see a hypnotist as i turned into the devil when i got drunk, i hoped that maybe the hypnotist coule bring out whatever devil was inside of me and that i could then go on to get drunk and behave myself,
the drs thought up all sorts of wild names for me, they looked at all sorts of pills to give me that would some how control me in my drink as no one thought i could be an alcoholic and i certainly didn't as i could stop drinking for weeks at a time, as in my head an alcoholic drinks 24 / 7 and i was far to young at just 23
when i went to aa and i found a lot of people who were just like me and did all sorts of embarrassing things when drunk, they too suffered with the guilt shame and remorse that i had come to learn to live with when waking up, they to had to try to remember what they did last night etc
they to used to wet the bed and panic to try to cover it up i soon came to see i should of been here in aa right from the start and that age had nothing to do with it nor how long i drank for
there were a lot of yets for me as i hadn't lost my home or my family or my money etc that was because i hadn't drank for long enough for it to progress to that level
the biggest thing i ever learned in aa was that simple answer of not picking up that first drink, if i dont pick up that first drink i will not wake up the next day with guilt shame or remorse, as i will not of misbehaved badly enough, it was the only answer to never let that devil out from inside me was to not pick up that first drink
i found out that when i picked up that first drink then i would crave for more drink as the drink would set off that craving in me and i had to drink until i couldnt drink anymore
other people can stop in mid drink were as i never could or if i did it was the worse feeling in the world
i never ever went out to get drunk and hammered drunk, i merely only wanted to have that effect of freedom booze gave me, it helped me mix with people and took away all my fears etc
only i had no off switch so if i drink i could do anything when drunk
that was when i was 23, i stoped with aa help but i left aa after 3 years and went on my own as my life had got better i was no longer living the life i used to etc
after 15 years of being sober or dry i ended up picking up that first drink again, this lead on to 8 years of drinking were by my driking increased to daily drinking i was getting drunk 24 /7 i was ending up in trouble again and i lost my kids to social services, my home, my business, all my money, and been to prison, my life was in ruins but i clung on to the drink as its the only thing that helped me cope with it all
i again entered aa and some of the guys who were around when i was just 23 were still there, they had remainded sober for all those years and there lives were nothing like mine they had a good life were as mine ended up in such a mess
i have been back around aa now for the last 10 years and my life is again on track i have been a single parent dad for the last 9 years getting my kids out of socail services care, i have had to start from the bottom in terms of getting work with a criminal record etc my son sadly died of cancer at just 16 years of age and i had to care for him 24 / 7 and what him suffer on my own etc so life has hardly been a barrel of laughs for me but i dont drink thanks to aa and the help i have had
if only i had carried on sticking with aa i would of avioided so much pain and suffering not only for me but for my loved ones things would of been so so different
but thanks to the booze and me i had no chance
i go to aa as i am an alcoholic its the only thing that helped me turn my life around and carries on helping me it might be able to help you to if your an alcoholic no harm in popping along and listening to people in the rooms to see if you can find identification or not as knowing what was wrong with me was freedom as i thought i was the only one in the world who was like me