well... I don't know how well I do this, but ...
First off, can you tell her that you are not going to be her watcher...telling her if she doesn't do what she says she wants for herself? Just explain that it isn't your place to do so ... that it isn't something you are able to do for her.
I think the hardest part in relationships is learning to step back. I have to remember that even though I have an opinion about what is good or bad, right or wrong for others or even myself. I don't truly know. Some people would end up suicidle if they let their son live at home without working till 35, others would end up suicidle if they kicked them out on the street...and all the shades between...
My co-worker always wants to tell me all the stuff she does (that I think is "wrong", "studpid", and often boarderline "evil) is "right", "ok", "reasonable". I don't tell her that. I just listen and don't comment. IF she specifically asks my opinion I try to respond as little as possible with words that are not approving or disapproving and change the topic.
Sometimes what keeps the friendships going and strong isn't so much the deep connection stuff...sometimes it is being able to have activities and conversations that are not about deep life stuff ... just about fun with your dogs (or cats), a good movie, cooking a nice meal...stuff like that. I think that may be what gets people through the times when they actually don't even like each other at all (hug).
That's just my general thoughts at the moment. I'm not real sure about most things these days... I just try to pay attention to how I react to things and wait to see how REALLY paying attention to that will change me. OK...now I sound crazy LOL
Take care of yourself CG! You make one choice at a time doing the next indicated thing and you will come through this. Somewhere inside there is a compass that will let you know what direction to head next...just listen and watch for it. And it really isn't important what others or even your own personality "think" is the right direction ... I think some people call it the quiet voice inside....
OK...gotta run ... only 2 hours behind schedule at the moment. It's funny how someone like me who doesn't even believe that time exists is such a slave to it LOL
