Peace and acceptance
I recently had a chance to spend the day with my baby sister. We talked more deeply than I think we ever have before.
I seem to be learning quite a bit. About myself, my sisters, our shared history. Part of me wanted to fix her, help her, take her hurt away. But, I accept now I cant. My sisters and I are so different. I accept now we cant fix things with each other. Not in any deep way. And if we could we still couldnt be best friend sisters. We are too different. But, I think I am ok with it. We do have a realationship with each other to a point. With my boundaries in place and almost instinctively feeling them I can move on.
I recently came to the conclusion that not only is my mom unable to care about others I think she actively dislikes me. And I think that has always been the case.
Its weird. With all of these sudden insights I think I am now at a place of peace and acceptance. I dont hurt, I am not anxious, its strange to no longer be obsessively thinking about things. Questioning my thoughts, worrying if I am missing something. I just am. I am looking now towards stregthening my bonds with my husband and sons, and making sure I am always a symbol of love and peace for my nieces and nephews. By example I can help the next generation.