This forum is a good place for you to admit your true feelings. Family members often get filled up with emotions and internalize these things too much causing anxiety and even real medical problems.
Im sorry your husband relapsed. I'll have to check out some of your earlier post to learn more about his situation, but a couple things to think about maybe? Relapse is sometimes part of the process of recovering and trying to change a set of behaviors. If he has a problem with alcohol then drinking is probably like an instinctive act for him. Think how hard it is to go against your instincts. I also think of addiction as a medical problem myself, not sure how u view it. But if this was another illness, and he got sick again, had a relapse, would you be as angry ?
Many of us on this forum are using a program called Craft, and it teaches us how to take care of ourselves, but also support our spouse in healthy ways. If a husband is drinking and exhibiting drunken behavior then we learn to set up boundaries to protect ourselves, and prevent those mental and emotional blows from having such an impact on us. But we also focus on staying engaged when our spouse is not drinking. Craft teaches us how to communicate, interact, provide positive motivation to our spouse, encourage treatment, and make our home more peaceful.
What kinds of things do you do for yourself these days?
You might want to read some on our book review thread, beyond addiction, if the ideas fit with you then maybe you would like to learn more.