Amen, Liz! This is a wonderful post.
I try really, really hard not to judge others, but I have gotten so much better at making quick assessments (I find that if I agonize over what someone's actions MEAN, it triggers a big codie relapse for me). I can assess someone's actions and behavior, and decide quickly how (or even whether) I can maintain my serenity in the fact of those actions and behaviors. And if someone who is usually a trigger for me is behaving kindly, I am better at accepting it for what it is in that moment, without assigning a lot of "greater meaning" to it.