Originally Posted by
Jenibean87 
Healthy thinking might look more like this: "I will give him his space to recover (more than a handful of weeks!) and when he has shown commitment to his Program and proven that he can be sober, trustworthy, and loving to me, maybe we will revisit the idea of Us. But I know I can't have a healthy relationship with a sick person, and that trying to will bring disaster. It's sad that he is sick, and my heart hurts, but I deserve someone who is capable of creating a real life with me and being healthy, equal partners."
Jenibean87 gave you the best advice here.
My RAH and I are both in our mid 20's as well so I can definitely relate to the "normals" of all of our friends drinking and still partying. It made it very difficult for a long time for my RAH to get past the denial part of thinking he was different from all of our friends. It wasn't until we moved out of state (for a new job opportunity) that things very quickly came to light. I was never a big drinker either and thought I was a "great influence" but the reality was when all of his friends were gone, the alcohol still remained with him. He went from the excuse of drinking with them, to no excuse because he was still drinking without them- always by himself.
Just like you will continue to read, alcoholism IS AND WILL PROGRESS. Things progressed for my RAH very quickly and until I got over my denial stage of "loving him enough to make him stop" nothing changed. Once I started educating myself on the topic, working on myself, and stopped enabling him- that's when things started to get better.
You are very lucky your relationship is fairly new and you are not married or have children with him...trust me, it complicates things by 1000 times over. If this is someone who truly wants to be with you, he will need to figure out how to live his life sober and be content with his own life first. I once read you can't truly give someone the love you intend to if you don't love yourself...this goes for both parties involved.
Please take jenibean advise and give him his space to recover. Let him figure this out for himself and you work on you. If one day God intends you to be together, it should be at the right time in both of your lives. It sounds by your post, clearly this is not that time. You deserve better then living the next 10 years on a roller coaster trying to make it work.
"YOU deserve someone who is capable of creating a real life with YOU and being healthy, equal partners." Unfortunately this is impossible when dealing with an active alcoholic.
Hang in there and keep reading! Please feel free to pm anytime
