onlysomuchwine

I have been reading this forum on and off for a while now; wondering whether to join, wondering whether to post...

I have been a heavy drinker since around twenty. For the last eighteen years, alcohol has been my main social outlet and I have consumed it in quantity- any excuse really...

Into my thirties, the hangovers have gotten worse as has the anxiety, the guilt, the regret and the remorse. I binge drink but I am also habitual- a few beers at home quite frequently as well as big nights out semi-regularly.

I work, I function, I partake of regular rigorous exercise, I maintain healthy relationships yet I know alcohol is doing me more harm than good. The niggling voice in the back of my head that tells me I should quit has gotten louder in recent years...

The hardest thing is that sometimes I still enjoy alcohol and at other times, it is the bane of my existence. My mental health suffers as does my physical health.

I want to quit but I seem to have little to no will power and I return time and time again to the booze. I have moderate periods but I know overall, that moderation is probably not going to work for me as the 'big sessions' inevitably roll around again and again.

Last night was the straw that may have broken this boozer's back- beers out with a friend then tequilas and gin back at his place then a total loss of memory (don't even remember how I got home- a cab evidently... )

Today is a bit of a horror show- anxiety and nausea abound. The day is wasted and I'm shattered.

I've had to come here, I think I need to be here. I'm hoping today can be the first day of something new and better. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get there as my AV is one of the sneakiest and most persuasive around.

Thanks for listening.