the term codependency has always made me feel uneasy. When you are in a non-addict relationship, it's called being kind and caring. When one is an addict, suddenly you are "enabling" and "codependent". I stopped doing laundry for H, one of the jobs I have actually always enjoyed doing, because I thought I was being codependent. What did he think? That I didn't love him anymore, that I was abandoning him. why was it ok when he wasn't drinking (or drinking too much) and suddenly not ok now? If it messed with his mind, it was messing with mine more! things that were loving and caring before were enabling now.