10 Evidence based reasons to have Hope: 1. You can help
– research shows involving family and friends increases the odds of improvement and helps maintain change. The opposite has been said too often:. “to help, is not to help” “tough love” “enabling” “detach with love” “codependency” No wonder family is left feeling confused, feeling guilty and blamed.. all this falls back on the rock bottom concept which has been found through evidence to be a dangerous concept.. Addiction needs early diagnosis and treatment like all other medical conditions…
2. Helping Yourself Helps
-You don’t have to choose between your own self-preservation and his. Your emotional resilience, physical health, social supports, and perspective on change can contribute to his.
we want you to feel better about YOU, and learn to take care of YOU. We want you to feel hopeful about your life and remember how to have fun. We want you to notice whats not working for you and try something different. We want you to practice, practice, practice
.. like on an airplane, put your oxygen mask on first before helping others…
3. Your loved one isn’t crazy
- and they are not “bad” either… people use because they get something out of it. Different reasons for different people ranging from being able to perform at work, or in the bedroom, feeling comfortable in social situations, to ease depression, or maybe because they find the lifestyle fun. Even though we may not understand, there is a logic in their mind.. and their perspective matters.. If we can understand then we have a better chance of helping our loved one.. we don’t have to condone their behavior in order to understand it.
Evidence shows most substance abusers stop on their own… Most people are capable of rational decisions even when using substances…
If you believe, however, that a person is incapable of honesty, reasoning, constructive collaboration with you, there will be no hope of engaging with them on these terms. And probably she will live down to your expectations
The book states, evidence shows the more you criticize someone, the more defensive a person becomes….and this is often mistaken for denial… The book offers strategies that promote respect and optimism that are proven to lower defenses and get you both working on the same side against the problem.
4. The world isn’t Black and White
This one is key I think.. I love the analogy used here too..
traditional notions of addictions, give you two, and only two options. People are said to be addicts or not, addicts are said to be ready for change or not, they’re either recovering or they’re in denial, with “the program” or not ( in black and white thinking there is only “one program”). Treatment is rehab or nothing. Success or failure, healthy or sick, “clean” or “dirty”, abstinent or relapsing. And for friends and family, “intervening” or “enabling” The good news, its not true.
And this is wonderful and I find true from my experience:
quote] The truth is that people are more likely to make big changes and continue with these changes if they are given time and help to choose among reasonable alternatives [/quote]
5. Labels do more harm than good
The book shares a fact Ive heard from places like National Institute of Drug Abuse, and that’s many people don’t seek help for fear of stigma. The labeling that comes with addiction.. who wants to accept a label of addict or alcoholic? I agree with the book.. Black and White thinking leads to labels, and separates people… “addicts” and the rest of us… More than 20 million people who suffer with substance abuse are thrown all together, and said to be exactly the same… To me its truly laughable, but its also very sad… people die because of stigma. The book suggest putting aside the concept of a label, and just look at how substance abuse is affecting your life and that of your loved one.
6. Different People Need Different Options
-- The books talks about all the various options.. inpatient, outpatient, group therapy, individual therapy, varying program designs and lengths of time, medications, treatment for coexisting disorders, cognitive behavioral therapy, sober companions, self help support groups, involvement in church, beginning exercise programs… finding what works for each individual, and keeping an open mind that people need different treatment options.
Having a choice among treatment plans, and a plans for change in general predict more positive outcomes. On these points the evidence is crystal clear: giving people options helps them get invested in the resulting plan
I agree on further comments saying the point is not to get people into just any treatment, but to work with them and find treatment that will work best for them, and actually motivate them to change.
7. Treatment isn’t the End All Be All
With CRAFT you can make positive changes in your life regardless if your loved one enters treatment. Evidence shows using CRAFT results in better communication and relationship satisfaction, increased happiness on the part of the family member, reduced use of substances even if the loved one doesn’t enter treatment. CRAFT asks us to think about what we need to do in order to build a better life. This includes what will increase our personal satisfaction: reaching out to family and friends, seeking help for depression or anxiety, beginning an exercise program, participation in church, kinder self talk, meditation… and the same applies to our loved ones.. what changes can they make to improve their lives…
the way people sustain ongoing, long term change is through building a better life in ways that matter to them as individuals
8. Ambivalence is Normal
This is something I that is rarely discussed IMO.. again going back to black and white thinking… people are said to be ready for change or they are not… they have hit rock bottom or they havent..
But in fact ambivalence is part of the process of change… and scientific evidence shows people can be helped even if they are in a state of ambivalence.
for many people, change is gradual, a process of weighing costs and benefits and experimenting to find what works. Change often happens incrementally, rarely in a straight line, and continues until the problem has improved to the satisfaction of the one making the changes
*I find this is how I typically make changes also, so it makes sense to understand this in terms of our loved ones. Why would they be different? I think it speaks in part to our reactions, our expectations, and the error of often holding our loved ones to a different standard than we might apply to ourselves.
9. People can be helped at any time
In this point the book talks again about motivation and change… how people change when the benefits outweigh the costs.. and this shift can occur at any time. The skills we learn through CRAFT can help us relate to our loved ones in ways that reduce confrontation, and reduce defensiveness. The book points out what often looks like denial, or an unwillingness to change is often a form of defensiveness. Through the various CRAFT techniques we learn to recognize, reward, encourage positive change while allowing natural consequences of substance abuse to reach our loved one.
10. Life is a series of Experiments
Try thinking like a scientist
Adopt an open ended questioning, experimental approach to life. Observe, try, notice what works and what doesn’t… be proactive instead of reactive… Be yourself but be as willing to change as you want your loved one to be. Try not to take things personally because behavior is the issue here, not character. Behavior can change… observe situations and how you affect those situations..
a calm clear- eyed approach gets better results
Remember: Change is a process