The proposal
Well, since I brought it up on my last thread, I thought I could start a new one here and tell you all what AH has proposed as a solution.
Here's the gist without me going into the details and the whining and the complaining and the blaming and the baited statements which tried to get me to argue, etc.
He wants us to sell the house, move to 2 separate rentals, and he will continue to provide for us until 2017 when open enrollment comes around for his health insurance at work. He does not want me to file for divorce because that would cost us too much.
So, I asked him about starting new relationships and how he would handle that since he's so desperate to be in a woman's arms and have sex and feel loved again. He said, "Well, as far as that's concerned, I consider us divorced....just not financially." So, after a few back and forths in the talk, he was basically saying that we could date but we'd stay married on paper! UGH!!!
Then he says, "Well, if you met someone and wanted to really make it official, of course, then we'd have to divorce."
Please tell me this is insanity at it's finest. I mean, who comes up with this stuff? I kept asking how, "Why, why would you want to be tied to me if you know I'm done? If you know that it is best to truly end this?"
In effect, I know he's just trying to hold onto as much cash as he can. I, on the other hand, don't want to sell the house and then split the proceeds with him so that we can drain the money dry all while I sit anchored to an alcoholic who is quite capable of running our financial lives into the ground if he gets another DUI or similar problem.
I told him I'd think about his proposal, but that I'd have to get with my lawyer to see what she says. I was taking him to the airport and we didn't have any more time for me to state my concerns or my case. Quite frankly, I don't think he'd listen anyway so it was best to just leave it as is. He did leave a present for our son and for his birthday. Honestly, there are times I really feel sorry for him because I truly think that he thinks that leaving for the birthday IS his best option. I just think that his 'thinker' is broken, if that makes sense. What seems logical and like an act of grace to him, actually is hurtful and damaging to his kid, and there's no explaining it otherwise to him because he doesn't seem to hear me.
He says he loves me and wants me and wanted to be with me forever. Yeah, I know, and I sometimes feel badly about how things are right now but I can't live my life hoping that he just won't be an alcoholic anymore. And, and active one, at that.