Want, I was going to respond to this thread earlier, but am still waiting for internet in my new place, so I'm writing from work today.
I'm going through something very similar with my XH, he got a DWI recently that has gotten a ridiculous amount of attention in the local media. (And then our divorce was final two days later. Talk about a double whammy.) He has court this week, so I am bracing for it to start all over again on the news.
I feel some of the same feelings you do-- exposed, both to the general public and to those acquaintances who become vultures. I feel sad, upset for him, wishing I could somehow help him. However, these were his decisions & actions and they are not my fault or my responsbility.
If you have to tell yourself a million times, "these are the natural consequences of his actions," then do it. You had no part in this- you have no responsibility or blame here. I know that in your logical brain, you know this, and believe me it took quite a while for me to squash the evil codie version of myself. Girl, you even managed to blame yourself for him abusing you! Nu-uh! Stop that--- you have to take that Evil Codie WTBH and SQUASH her.
His actions, his choices, his unfortunate consequences. You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about (but I understand, I am there too and I get it, so major *hugs*).
I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. ((Hugs))