Should we do a family intervention?

We are firmly opposed to the widespread practice of interventions, in which families conspire, often under professional guidance, to force their addicted loved ones into worthless, expensive addiction treatment programs. A typical intervention may involve a substance abuse counselor, rehab van idling outside, who conducts a tearful surprise party involving friends, family, neighbors or others who are coached to recall examples of addictive behavior. When the addicted person appears sufficiently humiliated and tearful, a family spokesperson says, "Because we all love you we want you to go right now to the treatment center." These unethical, melodramatic confrontations not only aggravate addiction and destroy bridges of reconciliation, but rarely produce secure abstinence.

Instead, we encourage the zero-tolerance ultimatum, coupled with the firm expectation of immediate, AVRT-based recovery. In this approach, the family simply confronts the addicted member with a choice between addiction and family membership. While this may seem excessive or even cruel, the zero-tolerance ultimatum is the kindest cut of all, because it presumes that the addicted one is capable of moral conduct and loyalty to the family. The family is not sending the addict away, but calling him home without his addiction. Of course, families who have long labored under the illusions of the disease concept of addiction, or who have become involved with the recovery group movement or addiction treatment programs, will find it very difficult to deliver an ultimatum to an individual they assume to be diseased, powerless, or in need of massive support and therapeutic services.

Most importantly, remember there is nothing wrong with your spouse or other loved one besides chemically-enhanced stupidity. Addiction is not a family disease. Family members are not responsible for anyone else‘s drinking, nor are they responsible for anyone else‘s abstinence. Addiction is the ultimate self-indulgence, and no family bonds, marital or parent-child, can survive addiction. Addiction is a greater betrayal of marital vows than adultery, because the pleasure of addiction exceeds the pleasure of the biological bond between a man and a woman. Marital sexual love is replaced by a stronger desire to get high with alcohol and other drugs. This is the justification for uncompromising action, the zero-tolerance ultimatum, which demands marital fidelity in the form of an explicit guarantee of perfect, lifetime abstinence.