Honestly and truly, I see a therapist that happens to specialize in addictions and what she says is so damn true "ALL ALCOHOLICS ARE THE SAME!" There is NO rationalizing with them - there is no sound reason for their behaviour - they are all narcissistic (now I know this is a stretch but if not all, most at least!) They just love to put us down and ruin us - I feel for you and your family.
xoxoxo