I'm really bad at working out budgets. I should probably get some help with it. I want to take charge of my life. I want to work towards this life that I deserve to give myself.
We all have some AV from time to time, but we also have a rational voice. I think that learning to recognize each for their true nature is important. That rational voice comes up with some good ideas, and best not leave them go to waste. Putting those ideas into action needs a plan too, no?
I would wager that your bank has a credit assistance office, and since they want their money back some day, they will most certainly give you the help you are looking for. Preparing a budget and sticking to it will be a certainty, since you know you can move through the small challenges now.
You can use each success, even the little ones, to propel you forward. Since you have already accomplished this one thing, now let's move on to the next. Small steps, but always keep moving in that singular direction, whatever direction that might be. Yep, that's the one right there! Onward!