Two Years Sober
Hi, SR friends!
I've already kind of posted on every possible thread here about this milestone, and yet I am posting a new thread about this.
Today I feel like a sober happy puppy - like jumping, and being silly, and carrying on.
Though I still have a lot of issues to deal with, a lot of 'inner and outer" work to do. But it will wait... for today.
Today is my own Independence Day.
Two years ago I made the first step to break my co-dependence with past, pain, wounds, fears, and wine.
It's been a tough and sometimes painful "surgery" - but it was absolutely worth going through.
A few of my friends here know what kind of pain I had inside, how deeply scarred my soul, and how bad I was crippled by this. The kind of pain that at some moment put me on the verge of suicide.
It's not uncommon to see here, in newcomers' section, a post like 'I don't know how I would cope with pain not being able to numb it with alcohol/drug any more"..
That was my case - I was mortally scared my pain would kill me. Crash me, burn me out.
It didn't.
But it would probably will if I didn't stop my "wining".
Yes, when I ditched wine for some time I felt like I jumped off the plane without parachute not being sure if I develop the "promised" wings after all.
I finally did - not so fast, maybe, but on my way hanging to "parachutes of support" of my friends here.
I was alone 2 years ago - no support in real life. But it made me stronger - now I know that I can count on myself. That I am not bored on my own. Great feeling!
2 years...cliche - but seemed like it was yesterday.
Sometimes I feel like nothing changes.. but..NO!
It all started with me posting here.
One "small" step - fingers on the keyboard, and the whole new world just a mouse click away.
Here's my Sobriety Achievement Digest:
- FINALLY stopped running from past wounds and pain. Faced them and brought to surface and light to deal and leave behind where they belong.
- bought my own apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- sold my car to start sorting out financial issues;
- Finally sought help about major depression, saw a phsychiatrist, got medicines prescribed, and feeling WAY TOO MUCH BETTER now!
- Still learning to face challenges not like disasters but like opportunities. Hard science - but freaking exciting as well!
- Gained back my physical shape, lost about 5 kilos, got back to 6-times a week training schedule;
- Started doing boxing last July. Was a complete newby and was laughed at (still the only girl in my boxing class). Applied "one day at a time" and "what doesn't challenge you, doesn't change you" methods. Pretty much like in sobriety. Last Friday while doing mitts with my trainer a new guy watched us and commented: "Wow. What a jab!".
- Completely eliminated sugar and salty junk food 1 year ago;
- Finally ended binge-eating/overeating two months ago;
- Made friends with people whom I had been afraid to approach.
- Started meditating.
- Took care of my health issues. I experienced some quite worrisome moments a month ago, but difference in my attitude to "not so good" news was drastic compared to "before sober".
- In most situations replaced "why me?" with "what can I learn from this situation?". Not easy to practice sometimes, but helps a lot.
- Went to alco-free vacations and enjoyed them immensely!
- And more ...
My message to all the newcomers would be:
DO NOT BE AFRAID!
Make the first step - and tomorrow will take care of itself. Once today at a time.
My sunny, happy, positive vibes to you!