After my divorce from my first husband (not an A -- that marriage was felled by my undealt-with FOO issues/codependency), I was on my own for three years. I like to pretend that it was a choice, but who am I kidding -- I had NO prospects for dating as I was a mess. So I was forced to spend a great deal of time by myself.
At first, I hated every second of being alone with me. It was torture. Nothing could distract me from the pummeling loneliness of not being in a relationship -- no surprise there as I had been in relationships for better or for worse my entire adult life. I had never even lived alone as an adult. All I could do was get through. Make sure I kept my job, my sure I took care of my dog, fed myself, cried, railed against the unfairness of all my friends who Had Someone...it was not great, I admit it.
Through therapy, however, I soon discovered that for me, it was Necessary. I had to learn to be alone with myself without being lonely. Like I said, this wasn't something I chose but something that sort of happened by circumstance, but it really made all the difference in my recovery. I had to learn to be okay just being with me before I could ever learn to be okay being with someone else.
Eventually, I just got sick of being so miserable that I just HAD to try something else. I started writing as it was always something that had made me feel good. I took an opportunity to replace an actor who had dropped out of a show with a company and a director I admired even though it was scary to do so. I learned to be a better cook. And all of those things that I was sort of 'bullied by life' into trying out started to add up to a foundation of self-esteem and self-respect that I had literally never known before, and never would have known had I dived into a relationship with someone else. Now I can say, "I wrote a book once."
Many years on now, I don't get nearly as much alone time as I got used to during those three years. Sometimes I miss it, especially when I think of all the things I accomplished! But I recognize that time as a sort of hibernation time. I needed to go through all of those uncomfortable feelings and learn that they were not going to be the end of me. Now I have a sense of self that is pretty unshakable. I still get blind-sided by stuff, no doubt, but I feel confident that whatever comes my way I will be able to handle it.
As for how I knew when I was ready -- I didn't, really, but after three years on my own and building a stronger sense of self, it was clear when other people started to be interested in me and I actually noticed and felt like, well sure, why wouldn't they be? I am kind of awesome. Now, I still chose the A out of that lot...but I consider that whole mess the final stage of me proving to myself that I was not the Cause, Control, or Cure for someone else's alcoholism. Just me reliving my FOO pattern out to a different, healthier conclusion. Again -- wouldn't have been possible without that investment I made in myself.
Wow, looks like I wrote another book. Sorry! I hope this helps somehow...? Anyway, sending you strength and patience and many hugs. You may be lonely but you are not alone.