Part of this is the need to "fix" it. As a kid I was always scrambling trying to fix it. Once in a while it worked more often or not it didn't. But I was the one that had to take care of everyone else's kids, I was raised like that with no option or choice in the matter. It never occurred to me that I could say no because I really couldn't.
So that carries over to any crisis: what could I have done that would have made it better? made it not happen? how can I help? But that is a couple things, one is codependent, the other is almost like playing God. If I don't do something I should have done then bad things will happen and it will be my fault. I had a LOT of those feelings and ended up with full blown panic attacks, I wrote about it in my blog here.
Praying about it and releasing it to God, as recommended, took me years to do. Sometimes I don't do it very well, but I still try.