For myself I'm very logical and regimented. When I can feel myself crumbling I "try" to find some time to myself, I allow myself to break down, to cry, to rage, to whine. Sometimes I will mope and talk to a few friends about it. But when I find time to break down I also pick a time to "suck it up." As a kid I had a very hard time allowing myself to admit to the pain and stress I was living in. For that reason I can "keep it together" much longer than even I would think possible. However that just builds up emotions and stress, then causes more of my issues to come to the forefront thus exacerbating the stress and so goes the 12 ton boulder down a hill into crazy ACOA for me.
So now when I see I'm stressing I grab a pop, a bag of chips (yes I'm totally a chip-a-holic) I put on Howl's Moving Castle for a viewing or two and I mope and cry. Then I set a time, and at that time my alarm goes off and I pack up the chips get out of bed, take a shower, and by the time I am out of the bathroom my mantra's have put me back on track.
It's not always that easy, sometimes it takes a little longer, sometimes I snooze the alarm. But I have found the alarm is helpful. It lets me feel like i'm being productive in my grief and sadness because I have made a "chore" out of it. And just like most chores I set a time when it is complete. I spent a lot of years afraid I would drown in the pain so that's why it was hard for me to let myself feel it. Giving myself time to feel it but to have a cue to pull me out makes me more honest with my feelings during that time instead of afraid of them.
Also I suck at taking care of me, so I will sometimes write down what I think I need to feel better then will try to schedule that in too. It's hard because I want to help everyone I care about and it must be harder with kids, because they are so important, but always remember you can't help someone else if you can't help yourself. It's one of the statements that I personally love to pretend isn't true but truthfully I know it is.