happybeingme

So, I guess my title says it all. I have decided to take a break from active recovery work. I am finding myself in a reactionary position. To try to also concentrate on reading the big read book is too much right now.

My sons recovery is going very slow and is still day to day almost in whether or not things will continue to improve or if he will need further surgery. So, I am often left with waiting to react to this test, that doctors opinion. Its challenging.

A friend of mine went in for emergency surgery last Friday and I still havent spoken to her. I feel lousy about it. I just dont want to worry about someone else.

My younger son came home at 5:30am Sunday morning looking terrible. My first thought of course was booze. But no he was stone cold sober. A friend of his died the day before from bad heroin or something similar. And it makes me madder than heck. This 21 year old is gone. He leaves behind a twin sister and two alcoholic parents. I am mad, mad, mad. He never had a chance. Its wrong. I am mad at the parents, the universe, and myself. I only met him once but I never tried to reach out. I never said anything when I knew at the age of 20 he had already been an alcoholic for a few years. His sister is brokenhearted. My son is being the best friend to her he can be. And I feel helpless.

So, I realize that I still cant be a superhero and save everyone or even help everyone. I am tired and wornout. How do we find a way to balance it all?