I can understand that. If it is an illness than you have to let go of the anger. If it were a choice you could exact revenge. But, it is an illness. You might want to also read some of the other forums here so you can better understand alcoholism. This group of forums is the most comprehensive place I have yet that deals with addictions.
I do hope you stick around and continue to post. We all get hope and help for ourselves when others join the group. Be well