DesertEyes

Hi there happy

A little bit of history. There are _three_ different "branches" of ACoA, based on where they come from. The folks who wrote the "Red Book" come from the AA program, and so the whole Red Book has a very strong "AA flavor".

An entirely different "flavor" is found in meetings that started from Al-Anon. These folks never bothered with a book because Al-Anon already has plenty of books.

A third flavor is meetings who don't want _anything_ to do with Mom _or_ Dad, and therefore studiously avoid use of any material from al-anon _or_ AA. They never got around to writing their own book.

Nope. ACoA-itis, if I can invent a word, is a form of emotional injury. Not much different from PTSD or perhaps Stockholm syndrome. Which means that _any_ form of therapy will be useful. 12 step meetings are just _one_ form, technically refered to as "Peer Therapy".

A lot of people get well without _any_ 12 step program at all. Other peeps, like me, do meetings for a few years, then therapy for a few years, then take a sabattical, then meetings, etc.

Most people who work on their issues, with _any_ type of help, get well and then _never_ come back to meetings, or therapy, or whatever. Which is why it is so rare to find anybody in an ACoA meet who has more than half a dozen years of continuous attendance. People get well and move on.

The whole "center" of ACoA recovery is _not_ what was done to us. If you browse around this forum you will see that everybody has really different histories of what was done _to_ them. Children can survive the most hideous experience, horrible car accidents, war, terrible disabilities, _if_ they have enough love.

What causes the damage is what was _not_ done for us. It is the _absence_ of love that causes the dysfunction, and the deep-seated emotional damage. That is why we all have such different histories, but almost the same identical feelings.

Absolutely yes.... but not _all_ of the book. Like others have said, you need to take the time to pick what works for you and ignore the rest.

To me that sounds like a good fit for ACoA work in general. You might also find something useful in the al-anon and nar-anon forums "next door".

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Feeling like a "fake" is a very common "symptom" of ACoA. Regardless of what is being faked. Look through the "laundry lists" in any ACoA book and you will see several "Feel like a fake" items.

Self sabotage is another common ACoA symptom. So common that there are _entire_ books on just that one item.

And yes, your problems _are_ bad enough. People with a normal life do _not_ wake up one morning and say "I have such a wonderful life!!! I think I'm going to spend months reading tons of books and browsing the web and go to al-anon and acoa meetings just for fun"

Just from the few things you have shared here on SR it is clear to me that you belong with us, and that you have wisdom and experience that we can all benefit from.

You are _most_ welcome in ACoA

Mike
Moderator, SR