I would also be really uncomfortable with the whole running into former classmates idea. Yikes! I don't know if you've ever thought about it or if it's something that's available to you, but individual therapy might be useful--especially with the concerns you have with gender. I haven't been to therapy in a while, because I moved and would have to find a new therapist--but I got a lot of value out of that--since everything was tailored to my specific needs at the specific time--and it was a super-bonus that she was well-versed in issues of alcoholism and family dysfunction.
Big hugs to you though--I'll be thinking of you
