I agree with Kialua. Sometimes the best way to handle a problem is to stop contributing to the problem. Your problem is now solved. Hers continues but that is her problem, not yours.
When I decided to go NC with my mother I said the serenity prayer a lot. I could not change her, that was beyond my power but I did not have to live with her nor tolerate her emotional abuse. That was something I could change. My connection to the problem was severed.
It takes courage to do that, kudos for sticking up for your own self worth. It is your time now!
I never thought I had that choice. I thought I had to be tied to her forever in some fashion but I have learned that is not the case. I do not have to endure pain and heartache for someone else’s comfort, addiction, mental problems, behavior problems, personality disorders etc. etc.
Like you, the thing that hurts is the people that also abandon us or think we are bad people. It is like getting abused all over again but I can also choose not to associate with them either. They really can’t understand unless they have been there. I say, let them deal with her the next twenty, thirty, forty years and see if they feel any different. If not, so be it, but I don’t have to carry that weight any longer.
It also hurts that our mothers can just drop us like a hot potato BUT for me that proves that I was correct in my own heart and mind that I was being used all along. I was a pawn that now she has no use for because I know the truth about her and I will not play the game anymore. They can’t play with people that do not react or engage. There is no reason to, so they move on to their next person while they cry and scream they are the victim.
I say, let them, at least we can move on and have a happy, healthy, normal life. It takes a while to feel normal and I went through a grieving process. It takes time. I had to let my feelings go and just take them as they came. I wanted so bad for her to be gone and when she was I wanted so bad to stop thinking about her. I just wanted it over but I found I was denying myself time to heal. It was not about her, it was about me. I had to work through those feelings to get better. They really had nothing to do with her but I thought they did and avoided them and stayed angry. I am tired of being angry. I am tired of crying about it. I am tired of letting it rule my life even when she is no longer in it. So I dropped the rock, wrote a letter to God and handed her over to his care.
I still think about her now and then but it gets less and less every everyday and every week. It gets better. Hang in there and take care of yourself. You are worth it!