Hello Calmwater,
Nothing you’re contemplating appears to be cruel or mean in any way; you’re just trying to make the best choices for you and your family. In fact it seems that you have gone out of your way to be as sensitive and as kind as possible considering the unhappiness his addiction has caused.
I used the following quote in a similar thread earlier today and I thought it might be helpful to add it here as well. This is the best relationship advice I was ever given; I even copied it into my journal and I still go back and re-read it every once in a while.
"The very measure of a good relationship is in how much it encourages optimal, intellectual, emotional and spiritual growth. So, if a relationship becomes destructive, endangers our human dignity, prevents us from growing, continually depresses and demoralizes us...and we have done everything we can to prevent its failure... Then, unless we are masochists and enjoy misery, we must eventually terminate it."
~ Author Unknown ~
I don’t disagree with leaving the door cracked; however I suggest that you have a security chain in place just in case things go south again.