Originally Posted by mejo

Hmm, I have been reading your posts for the last month or so and trying to understand why feel the way you feel about yourself. I know for me, a lot of it is because of my relationship with my AH. But not all of it, just most of it.

Listen, your H is trying to work on his recovery. You really, really need to work on yours. Why don't you explain why "he" is such a trigger? Is it him, or is there some behaviors there that are the trigger? From what I read and understand, you are having a problem with the fact "he got help" with the help "of others". You do know there are places you can go for your help. There are facilities that you can check into. As a matter of fact, I think there may be a facility based strictly Al anon (or at least that is what I heard when my H was in treatment).

I guess I am responding because I was there. Right where you are right now. I was so pissed he could go somewhere else, away from his responsibilities, and get help. He could have a whole team of professionals work on him, while I was a complete mess, a danger to myself, plus all the bs I had to do to get better. I could not go away for 28 days and not worry about just me. That really pissed me off. But, it is what it is and it was what it was.

I don't have advice non how to let go of this anger. My H has done some pretty F'ed up **** to me. But I know anger only hurts me and my relationship with others. When he is in recovery, I find my anger is still there. Why? Idk because I have told myself it is all his fault, all he has to do is get sober and everything else will be okay. WRONG! That is a lie I am telling myself and him. I have a part in our dysfunction. A huge part. My anger, my sadness, my blame, my projection, my gas lighting. You see, we have developed the same traits in order to survive just as they have. We have to admit that before we can move forward. Like I said in previous posts to you...he is in recovery, but what are you doing to recover? Keep it simple. Not everything is going to be okay overnight. But he has made a step in the right direction. Stay on your side of the street, and that does not just mean "don't get involved in his recovery" it also means get involved in yours. Don't give yourself an out because someone makes you feel uncomfortable at meeting. **** them. You are there for you and no one else. Don't let your mind go there.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. That goes for everyone in the game of life. PM me if you need to talk. I will be here for you. Sending you prayers tonight.