I have someone like this in my life. I love her very much but she is a shining example of why I continue to work very hard at not being codependent, lol.
I had to very methodically think through every situation. Are these her feelings or mine? Did I do my part - do I have any responsibility here? Is this her choice or my choice? Is this her perception/problem to work out? **.9% of the time every instance I was feeling upset about *her feelings* was clearly over there in her hula hoop and even though she tried to hand them to me, I could just not pick them up. I could let it go. I'd tell myself not my monkey, not my circus. Eventually my 'feelings' on the matter followed what I was working out in my head.
It gets easier with time (a lot of time) but I still have to go down that list a lot. I also am VERY careful about the conversations I have with her. She is not a person I can get support from when it comes to my now ex husband or any number of things. It backfires on me because talking to her is her telling me what I feel, know, ought to do, should have done, should make other people do, what I don't know yet, etc. Doesn't matter if she has any actual experience on the matter. She'd tell me what I should know, ought to know, will learn about any subject. Breastfeeding is one example and really helped me flip the switch that I need to rethink my interactions with this woman because it was so obvious. She has breastfed exactly zero minutes of her life and I've logged *years* of breastfeeding. It is insane, lol.
I get good at not responding. Not saying anything at all in return or just things like 'I see' or 'OK' or 'if you feel that is best'. Always lots of drama surround her but I've learned to let her keep her drama and not worry about it.
I'm very close to her daughter - who is not codependent at all an someone I really look up to as far as her being a good person etc. She's very good at this (not taking on other peoples emotions or problems) and that has been helpful for me.