"AH tells me I am not a nice person all the time and is this his way of getting to me or is it true or am I normal?"
Do you you tell your AH that they are a scumbag and unworthy of redemption? Or are you just pointing out that they engage in a behavior that will kill them and is wrecking your family? Is your AH implying that if you become perfect and absolutely non-confrontational that they will quit drinking?
I know how hard it is to see the forest for the trees. You are much further along than I am, because you have the guts to do a legal separation. I haven't even got there yet, although we have only seen each other twice in 6 months. Good luck to you!