MG,
You come from where you come from. That cannot be changed. I think we can go back and find the motivation for our behavior and then work to accept it and then we can go about changing it. In that order. But up until now you have not known what that motivation was or even that the problem exisited. We are back to
awareness, acceptance, action . The same principles apply over and over. Perhaps you are in the awareness phase of something you are ready to learn.
I have to admit that I cringe too. I never gave it much thought but if I had to I would guess it is because I have lived my life in an attempt to fit in. You can put me in a biker bar or a yuppie dinner party and I slide right into the role. Part of my codependence, perhaps. So if the Beav does something or looks a certain way that is not status quo I do cringe.
Add the parenting thing...cutting the chord. It is not easy to let our adult children go particularly when they are trying so hard to remain dependent. I will bet that it is easier with your daughter. The relationship is very different.
Ok, take me. My mother turned her back on me for 20 years because her husband (my stepfather) cut me out of his life after an argument. She is an award winning doormat and went along for financial reasons. The day he died we picked up our relationship like it never happened. But it DID happen. Tell me THAT does not color my previous difficulty in "turning my back" on the Beav. Today I don't wallow in that any longer. I faced it, accepted it and then took action. I must have forgiven because it no longer has any power.
Keep thinking out loud!
Hugs,
JT