Dear Katie,
I'm so sorry you are going thru this again and again. You know what? There's a few thousand of us parents who have or are still feeling that guilt, broken heart, sadness and dare I say disgust in our addicted children?
My ADs went thru detox and I'm still in pain some days. That's why I come here, the support gets me thru the day and night.
He is still in there, he is but his disease has control over him right now and until he is ready to change his life and is sick of being sick, there's not much us mommas can do.
I found that the "sting" of calling my girls "addicts" softened a bit when I looked at addiction as a disease, which IMO it is.
Of course you love him and you always will, but Katie, please love yourself too! Try to find some form of distraction, support. You know, go over to the Nercomers forum and check out Nerfers thread, look at the pretty roses and listen to the moving music...
Take his GF to a meeting and let her see if there's a pattern or some similarity in what she hears and sees. Love will take a blind eye at first.
Please will you do something for me today? Will you do something for YOU today? A walk or go for brunch, get a mani or pedi, get out of that guilty mode and attempt the acceptance mode?
That's what I did and it helped. I went and got a haircut and style, it stopped the tears and distracted me for a little while.
God bless you Katie and your family and the girlfriend. Breathe...
TF