Thread: Honesty
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Old 01-01-2003, 07:49 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
JT
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
MG,

Correct me if you think I am wrong but I do not think our expectations are too high. They have been reduced to merely being self sufficient whether they use or not. Not using is not even an expectation of mine any longer. It is that he seems to be unable to use AND be self sufficient at the same time. Another expectation is that he be happy in his own skin...and again if he uses he cannot accomplish that. That is not an expectation really...more like a hope. That is ME....it sounds like that is where you are trying to go.

You are right about honesty preceding acceptance. You have to get honest before you can break through denial and then after time it is on to acceptance.

I EXPECT honesty on the practical level. That is part of life. If you say you are going to do something do it...like taking out the garbage. (Sobriety is a whole different topic) If you say you are going to call call. If there is a dollar on the table leave it there. I do not think that is an unreasonable expectation.

With the Beav staying with us I must say I have looked at how I come across in his eyes. We can have wonderfully honest conversations but I don't believe he buys what I say for a moment. He does not understand the debth of my own recovery and like any active addict or newcomer I suppose he sees it as a threat. So I need to temper my exuberance.

When I made the decision to give him another chance I WAS aware that I was creating a situation that fosters dishonesty. That is unavoidable under my current circumstances. He has clammed up...that might be why.

They have had a long history of lieing to get by. It is second nature. I thing your goal is admirable and it is road you have to go down but I think if you look a little closer you may see that this his dishonesty with you has very little to do with you.

Hugs,
JT
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