I lose control as soon as I purchase the first drink or bottle or can - but before I get to that stage - leading up to it - I'm not in control. Any thought with regards to alcohol logically isn't my true person - my true Emily person knows for an absolute fact that - as you say nothings secure if I drink. I don't even know why I'm here and posting - I'm not dumb - or ignorant - I've been struggling with this for years so as I don't do things by half measure EVER I understand - I don't actually need advice - I need a freaking cure. Why can't I be cured lol I've an addiction problem with anything - love - substances - like I get addicted in work to raising money for charity lol I get a buzz when I'm uplifting but when I don't it's harsh lol I've addictive genes