Katie, I remember asking, years ago, "why does my son continue to steal from us?" and the wise answer I got from an old timer here was "Because he CAN."
Ouch, that hurt me where it hurts most, right in the reality. My son continued to steal from us because he always got away with it.
That said, whether you charge him or not, I would not trust him with anything ever again...and isn't that sad. But he has proven he is not trustworthy, so I wouldn't let him in your home or near your valuables and let him pay his own expenses in life, including his own lawyer when the day comes that someone does charge him with a crime.
My heart hurts for you, it's worse when your home front is divided. Prayers out for all of you.
